We live in a society in which loneliness has become one of the most painful human wounds. The growing competition and rivalry which pervade our lives from birth have created in us an acute awareness of our isolation. This awareness has in turn left many with a heightened anxiety and an intense search for the experience of unity and community. It has also led people to ask anew how love, friendship, brotherhood and sisterhood can free them from isolation and offer them a sense of intimacy and belonging. All around us we see the many ways by which the people of the western world are trying to escape loneliness. Psychotherapy, the many institutes which offer group experiences with verbal and nonverbal communication techniques, summer courses and conferences supported by scholars, trainers and “huggers” where people can share common problems, and the many experiments which see to create intimate liturgies which peace is not only announced by also felt – these increasingly popular phenomena are all signs of a painful attempt to break through the immobilizing wall of loneliness.

But the more I think about loneliness, the more I think that the wound of loneliness is like the Grand Canyon – a deep incision in the surface of our existence which has become an inexhaustible source of beauty and self-understanding.

Therefore I would like to voice loudly and clearly what might seem unpopular and even disturbing: The Christian way of life does not take away our loneliness; it protects and cherishes it as a precious gift. Sometimes it seems as if we do everything possible to avoid the painful confrontation with our basic human loneliness, and allow ourselves to be trapped by false gods promising immediate satisfaction and quick relief. But perhaps the painful awareness of loneliness is an invitation to transcend our limitations and look beyond the boundaries of our existence. The awareness of loneliness might be a gift we must protect and guard, because of loneliness reveals to us an inner emptiness that can be destructive when misunderstood, but filled with promise for him who can tolerate its sweet pain.

When we are impatient, when we want to give up our loneliness and try to overcome the separation and incompleteness  we feel, too soon, we easily relate to our human world with devastating expectations. We ignore what we already know with a deep-seated, intuitive knowledge – that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune or collective, no man or woman, will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition. This trust is so disconcerting and painful that we are more prone to play games with our fantasies than to face the truth of our existence. Thus we keep hoping that one day we will find the man who really understands our experiences, the woman who will bring peace to our restless life, the job where we can fulfill our potentials, the book which will explain everything, and the place where we can feel at home. Such false hope leads us to make exhausting demands and prepares us for bitterness and dangerous hostility when we start discovering that nobody, and nothing, can live up to our absolutistic expectations.

Many marriages are ruined because neither partner was able to fulfill the often hidden hope that the other would take his or her loneliness away. And many celibates live with the naive dream that in the intimacy of marriage their loneliness will be taken away.

Thoughts?

I leave tomorrow for a church meeting in Houston, TX and will finally be back in the NW Saturday night. I hope to resume normal blogging on church planting, life, theology, and reading next week. Until then I hope you enjoy this. Thanks for reading.

JRL+

In the movie Garden State the main characters Andrew (Zach Braff) and Sam (Natalie Portman) talk about the idea of “home.” Andrew says, “You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.” Later, he continues, “You’ll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it’s just gone. And you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.”

I wonder how many people feel this way. Especially those of us who are in our 20’s and 30’s. We are a transient generation. I’ve had many conversations with friends about how nice it would be to stop moving around, to settle down – put down roots, find someone with whom to live life and experience those simple every day things. How nice it would be to have everything in one place. To make friends with the idea that you will be around for a while to cultivate those friendships. To begin building that idea of home again. For now, however, many of us have a sense of homelessness, lostness, disconnectedness. Even as we live in a community together.

Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of opportunities to build community, but I wonder how many young people feel like we have a place we can call “home” and how many more yearn to have such a place. In his book The Land Walter Brueggemann writes, “The sense of being lost, displaced, and homeless is pervasive in contemporary culture. The yearning to belong somewhere, to have a home, to be in a safe place, is a deep and moving pursuit. Loss of place and yearning for place are dominant images.”

For many people in our ‘postmodern age’ we have space, but we do not have place. Space is everywhere. Place is something altogether different. Again Brueggemann:

Place is space that has historical meanings, where some things have happened that are now remembered and that provide continuity and identity across generations. Place is space in which important words have been spoken that have established identity, defined vocation, and envisioned destiny. Place is space in which vows have been exchanged, promises have been made, and demands have been issues. Place is indeed a protest against the unpromising pursuit of space. It is a declaration that our humanness cannot be found in escape, detachment, absence of commitment, and undefined freedom.

Place has a sacredness that space does not. In The Hermeneutics of Charity Brian Walsh and Steven Bouma-Prediger examine this phenomenon of home and space in “With and Without Boundaries: Christian Homemaking Admist Postmodern Homelessness.” They lay out seven characteristics of what it means to be home. They have also written a book, Beyond Homelessness, that looks (and expands) similar concepts (as well as actual homelessness). If you are interested in this topic I’d highly suggest you read their book.

1) Home is a place of permanence and familiarity. It is more than a place to stay, but “signifies a certain degree of spatial permanence, a kind of enduring presence or residence.”

2) Home is not simply a house, but there must be an experience of at-homeness that makes the house into a home. This happens “when it is transformed by memories into a place of identity, connectedness, meaning, order, appropriation, and care.” Another way to say this is that homes are “narratively formed.” Forgetfulness then becomes exile; “once stories are forgotten, there is no home to return to becuase there is no place, or even potential place, that could be shaped by those stories.”

3) To dwell is “to be at peace.” So, home is a place of rest. A place of enough, of satisfaction, of contentment.

4) Homes require the practice of hospitality, or they become self-enclosed fortresses. A sense of home is formed in the welcome of the Other.

5) A sense of home requires inhabitation. A putting down of roots. It is a matter of being “not merely at our destination but fully involved in it.” Care and cultivation of a particular space turn the space into a place and make a home.

6) Home is a point of orientation. “Home is a nomic structure that provides order and direction for life.” Home is how we orient everything else we do, and everywhere else we go.

7) Home is a place of belonging, acceptance, and affiliation. Home is “where people know me, and where I find recognition without having to struggle for it.” Home is a place where we belong, and a place that belongs to us.

Home sounds like a pretty good place…

However, to some Christians desire has become a bad word and a bad work. Churches sometimes tell us to kill our desires – they tell us desires are bad. One of the Christian accounts I follow on Twitter tweeted last year, “The remedy for curing desire does not lie in satisfying it, but in extinguishing it.” This is a quote from Martin Luther and while I do not know the context in itself it’s saying exactly what Christians do not need to hear. It helps NO ONE to tell them that their desires are bad. Yes, there are bad desires, but that does not make desire and desiring bad. There is bad food, but I’ve never heard people argue that because of that all food is bad.

Humans are creatures of desire – we are desiring beings – we are defined by our desires. Human beings are ordered by our desires. And some of our desires are common with other animals – food and sleep, for example. Other desires – such as desires for deep relationships and for community are in many ways particularly human desires. There is a reason that blog posts about dating and relationships stir up so many readers and comments – we all, rightly, desire those things. We desire to be loved and to love. We desire to find meaning. We desire to be important. And we desire to be successful. We desire to be in relationships – we desire friends – we desire a spouse. And finally, we desire the divine – we desire God.

None of these desires in themselves are bad. What can be bad is how we act or how we don’t act on our desires.

So what are we to do with desire?

First, we must stop seeing desire as bad and we must stop seeking to completely extinguish our desire. For when we extinguish desire we extinguish life. Instead of extinguishing desire – we should re-shape desire – then cultive and increase desire. It’s not that we desire too much, it’s that we don’t desire enough. Our desires, like our God, are often too small…

We desire meaningless things when we should desire meaningful things. We desire meaningless relationships when we should desire meaningful relationships. And we desire meaningless sexual release when we should desire the meaningful sexual relationship that occurs within marriage.

And we desire meaningless idols when we should desire the meaningful God.

By reordering and increasing our desire we not only have life, but a fulfilled life because it is the life God desires for us. But this only happens when we realize that we are worth more than we desire. We don’t desire too much – we desire too little.

In fact, this is one of the great hopes that we as Christians have to offer the world. The desires of the world lead to disappointment because they can never be ultimately fulfilled. They might be the same desires as those that Christians have, but they do not often have the same sense of meaning that the desires of Christians do. The desires of the world exist for themselves whereas our desires are for another – or the Other. Christian desire is only ultimately fulfilled when the desire of the other is also fulfilled.

Desires can be twisted and desires can be wrong, but we don’t just throw away desires. Sometimes our desires need to be defeated and extinguished. And at times there are things that we desire that aren’t sin, but trying to fulfill them in an inappropriate way would be sin.

Desire is not bad. Bad desire is bad. So let’s let God re-shape our desires and then trust him that in his time he will fullfil all and more than we can desire.

Feel free to ask me about them too. Helps to be held accountable…

In the next couple days I want to offer more reflections on the coming year. Below are mostly just fun goals/things to do. And I imagine we all have similar lists. However, in the Christian life there are more important things than anything on my list below.

Below are 20 of mine (in no particular order)…

JRL+

1. Take at least one picture a day
2. Write one short journal entry, personal or public, a day
3. Wear my clergy collar at least one day a week that’s not Sunday
4. Train for and run a half marathon
5. Try one new Portland restaurant/coffee shop/bar each month
6. Read one novel (outside my normal reading) each month
7. Travel by train to Vancouver, British Columbia
8. Plant and establish a faithful Anglican church in Vancouver, WA (this will be God’s doing, of course)
9.  Learn how to use the Anglican Breviary
10. Participate in Blood:Water Mission’s 40 Days of Water
11. Adopt a Golden Retriever
12. Read Calvin’s Institutes, in full
13. Learn how to cook one new dish a month
14. Re-learn Greek or Latin
15. Have more parties
16. Learn a completely new skill/hobby
17. Re-learn how to play the piano
18. Join a club or group in the Portland/Vancouver area
19. At least figure out what I want to write my first book about
20. Could I go from single to married in a year?

What are some of your resolutions?

Thanks for reading. Have a blessed year…

I’ll post some thoughts and goals for 2012 in the next couple days. After this year I’m excited to see what the new year will bring my way.

JRL+

(in no order)

1. Ordination
2. 2500 trip across the country
3. Alabama – Tennessee – Kentucky – Illinois – Missouri – Kansas – Nebraska
4. Colorado – Wyoming – Utah – Idaho – Oregon – Washington
5. Staying one day ahead of the weather
6. Lots of time to think and pray
7. First Eucharist
8. Fund raising
9. Medical Building
10. Norad
11. Arnada Abbey
12. Ash Wednesday
13. Good Friday
14. Walking
15.Read lots of good books
16. Read lots of bad books
17. Great music
18. Bon Iver, Okkervil River, Mountain Goats, Dawes
19. Angus and Julia Stone, Decemberists, The Rosebuds, Wye Oak, and more
20. Concerts
21. Bon Iver at Edgefield
22. The Mountain Goats at the Aladdin
23. The Rosebuds at Mississippi Studios
24. Grew to appreciate the Eucharist and the Creed even more
25. Made lots of new friends
26. Currently missing those friends
27. Rain, Rain, Rain
28. Coffee
29. Mon Ami
30. Stumptown
31. Barista
32. Vivache
33. Cooper’s
34. Bakery Bar
35. Red E
36. Coava
37. Albina Press
38. Memories formed over coffee
39. You know who you are
40. Scotch
41. Prayer Books galore
42. Choking on these words
43. A heart that sighs has not what its desires
44. Faith, Hope, Love
45. Doubt anyone is still reading
46. I don’t know you, but I miss you
47. Bridge lifts
48. Comfortable Words
49. Twitter friends
50. Something that makes me smile
51. Clark+Lewis
52. Pine State Biscuits
53. Vita Cafe
54. Fire on the Mountain
55. Imago Dei
56. A couple fun parties
57. Collect for Purity
58. Lots of prayer – Often silence
59. You
60. A year of risk
61. A year of change
62. A year of growth
63. A year of hope
64. A year of wishes delayed
65. Lenten Season
66. Discouragement
67. Doubt
68. Encouragement
69. Faith
70. Jokes and fun
71. We send to the cross of Christ
72. Cannon Beach
73. Mt Hood
74. Mt St Helens
75. Seattle
76. Amtrak
77. Changes in AMiA
78. Peaks and valleys
79. Emotions
80. Secrets, stories, and wishes I’ll keep to myself
81. Ascension Anglican
82. Tremendously grateful for certain people
83. What does 31 hold
84. Short sabbatical
85. Desires given up
86. New desires formed
87. Consecration
88. Everything that happened
89. Gluten free
90. Apartment hunting
91. ACNA
92. Spurgeon Fellowship
93. Photography
94. Grace
95. Garage beer time
96. Those couple people
97. Surprised by God
98. New vision
99. Hope for new experiences in 2012
100. Prayers for all my friends as one year closes and one year dawns

Note: In this book Brueggemann offers some wonderful prayers for use both privately and corporately.  On set of prayers powerfully reflects on the “Collect for Purity” - Almighty God, to You all hearts are open, all desires known, and from You no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of Your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love You, and worthily magnify Your holy Name; through Christ our Lord. Amen.  The prayer below is a meditation on the phrase, “that we may perfectly love You…”

We pray, as often as we meet,
that we might “perfectly love you.”
Indeed, we have been commanded from the beginning,
to love you with all our hearts and
all our souls and
all our minds and
all our strength.

We have pledged to love,
pledged in our prayers and in our baptism,
in our confirmation and with our best resolve.

But we confess…
we love you imperfectly;
we love you with a divided heart,
with a thousand other loves
that are more compelling,
with reservation and qualification,
and passion withheld and
devotion impaired.

We do not now come to pretend before you,
but to confess that we do not,
as we are,
love you perfectly;
we do not keep your commands;
we do not order our lives by your purposes;
we do not tilt toward you as our deepest affection.

But we would…
we would love you more perfectly,
by the taste of bread become your flesh,
by the swallow of wine become your blood,
by the praise of our lips and beyond our usual reasoning,
by the commandments that are not burden but joy to us,
by embracing your passion for neighbors,
by your ways of justice and peace and mercy,
by honoring the world you have made
and all creatures great and small,
by self-care that knows you as our creator.

Led us past shabby compromises
and our cheap devotion;
lead us into singleness of vision
and purity of heart,
that we may will one thing,
and answer back in love your great love to us.

Free us from idolatries,
and our habits of recalcitrance,
tender our hearts,
gentle our lips,
open our hands,
that we may turn toward you fully
toward your world unguardedly.

Let us bask in our freedom
to be fully yours, and
so trusting fully our own.
We pray through the Lord Jesus who loved you
singularly, perfectly, fully – to the end.

Amen. 

JRL+

Love is a complicated subject. Some people talk about it all the time and others seem to live as if it doesn’t exit. It doesn’t help that many in our wider culture do not fully understand what love is. Relationships too are complicated. Some people who are in them don’t want to be – and lots of people who are not in them want to be. But sometimes it seems that we don’t know where to begin. And when holidays like Valentine’s Day arrive each year it frequently becomes more difficult as we reflect on how we walk through life seemingly alone. So many people want to be in a relationship and for whatever reason aren’t. Maybe they haven’t met the right person – Or they have had their heart-broken and so are weary of taking the next step – Or they have never had a relationship at all and are afraid of what beginning one might mean. Maybe they are afraid of being rejected and so never ask someone they might be interested getting coffee with to get coffee – Or maybe they just get too busy and simply walk by each other. Whatever the reason it seems that as people get older the pressure to date and get married gets more intense from family, friends, and even self. And with the increase in pressure so does, at least for some, the anxiety. And the questions – “Am I ever going to get married?” “Am I ever going find my lost half?”

Despite all the reasons it has not happened there remains the desire to be in a relationship with someone who you can love and who can love you. Someone who will listen to you when you share your feelings and who yearns to share their feelings with you. People desire that person with whom they can sit with in silence and be perfectly comfortable. Someone to raise a family with. Someone to walk through this complicated and confusing thing called life with. Or someone simply to keep warm with on a rainy night. But even with so many people looking for love many people are still alone.

This desire for love is of course deeply rooted in all of us – indeed, I believe, it is formed and found in the Garden of Eden when God proclaims to Adam, “it is not good for man to be alone”. One of the most interesting explanations of the desire for love (outside of Scripture) is found in the writings the thought Plato. In his Symposium he tells the story of how the gods split human beings in two and now life is about searching for your other half and that love is connecting with that half when you find them. In the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch the song “Origin of Love” tells the same story (below is the clip from the movie) = [FYI, the movie is rated R and there is some "nudity" in the line drawings - nothing at all graphic, but I wanted to provide a fair warning - I also realize that the "sexual ethic" of this film would be far from Biblical - that being said I think it is a moving, and somewhat helpful, clip]

The part of this song that I have been thinking about recently is the end:

Last time I saw you/We had just split in two/You were looking at me/I was looking at you/You had a way so familiar/But I could not recognize/’Cause you had blood on your face/I had blood in my eyes/But I could swear by your expression/That the pain down in your soul/Was the same as the one down in mine/That’s the pain/That cuts a straight line down through the heart/We call it love…

I think that this is where a lot of people are. We go through life searching for connections, whether romantic or not. With some people we find them and with others we don’t. Or we find one sort of connection and not the other. What most people are longing for however is that connection that they can call love. That connection with their “lost half.”

Until then however what are we to do – especially when it feels like all our feelings are being numbed. When it is hard to be happy and joyful, but equally hard to cry…What do you do when the only feelings you have are anxiety, despair, and general grumpiness…Or simply a numbness…And maybe even fear that you will soon forget how to love…

What we do until that year when we can send roses and chocolates to our valentines is we remember first that God loves us passionately. That God loves us so much that we are already complete and do not actually need to derive our self-worth from whether or not we have a boyfriend or a girlfriend – a husband or a wife. We then need to spend time building community and relationships with our friends (both male and female) – loving them wholeheartedly. Life is hard but it is always a little easier when you have good friends to go through it with. Community is vitally important and I thank God for the community that I have. Finally, we can pray. We can pray for God to bring us joy in our singleness and we can pray for a relationship. And we can even pray for our future spouse. (I’m going to get really personal here – so fair warning) On days where this matter is at the front of my mind I always feel better when I ask God to give a sense of comfort to the girl that I will hopefully one day date and marry – I pray that God will ease her anxiety and give her the same peace and joy in her singleness as I ask him to give me. It might sound a little weird to some people, but it has been meaningful to me. And in it God has brought me peace.

Well, now that I have gotten way too personal for the internet I’ll close. May you find the love you are longing for deep in your soul. May God strengthen your marriage and your other relationships. May God develop your friends and your community to show you love when you do not feel like you can give or receive it. And may God reveal to you the love that He has for you, so on those days when you feel especially alone you will know that though friends may leave you, though friends may hurt you, though you might not be in the type of relationship you desire at all, you are loved deeply by God and that will never change.

Finally, for those of you who do not receive these as often as you deserve…

As I read it again I’m struck by its message even more. In 2011 I was ordained an Anglican preist and I moved to Vancouver, WA to do church planting. Until this I was waiting on a clear sign from God about what He would have me do. During this time of wrestling, and before my dream, a friend said, “Stop asking God what you should do. Tell Him what you want to do and see if he opens the doors for you to do it.” Finally, I did.

God’s faithfulness, even in the difficult times this past year, has been magnificent to experience. And now that I’ve walked through the door I am living in a place where, at least currently, I have no desire to leave.

JRL+

I arrived rather unexpectedly and found a rather nice, though completely empty, room. It was well light and the temperature was rather nice; it was, in fact, the kind of place that once could easily imagine spending their time if only there was some furniture and maybe some tea and cookies, and of course some books. Curious where I was I started to walk around the room, which since it was empty didn’t take long, and as I imagine anyone would do I opened the only door on the far wall.

The next room was virtually the same as the one I had just left – the only way one could distinguish them, besides the location of the door, was that the second room was lined completely with bricks. Hoping I could find some furniture and something warm to drink, and maybe even an owner or caretaker who might be able to tell me where I was and how to get back I decided to try the only door in the second room.

The third room was identical to the first two except for the welcome sight of a young woman standing in the middle of the room. Thinking I had scared her, being a stranger in her house, I began to apologize and introduce myself, but she stopped me. “I have been expecting you.” Her voice was one of the purest I had ever heard, but her lips never moved. “How can I help you?”

I was’t terribly sure how to answer this question. Though I had lost all desire to leave. “I guess some tea would be nice…And I would also like to know where I am and how I got here.” As I said this I noticed that there were two doors behind her. She led me to the corner in which sat a table – a table I had previously not noticed, and offered me a cup of tea and a shortbread cookie. While I recognized the flavor of the tea and the cookie was a taste I was familiar with there was also something different about it that I could not quite figure out. Suddenly my questions seemed meaningless. I did not much care where I was or how I got there.

This feeling however did not last long. As I finished the tea and cookie and began to regain my composure the young woman asked, again without her lips moving, “Why are you here?” When I didn’t answer, and it became clear to her I had no idea she asked, “Which door would you like to open next?”

At this point I understood that I couldn’t stay here forever. But I had no idea how to choose which door was best. I tried to get some hints about what was behind each door but she either did not know or was unwilling to tell me. After gazing at the doors and at her for what seemed like hours I asked, “Would you come with me no matter which door I choose.” She glared at me for a moment and said, “Yes, no matter which door you chose I will come with you. I will always be there to comfort you. Choose whichever door you think best. Maybe what is on the other side will be hard, but I will be with you. Maybe it will be easy, and I will be with you. It doesn’t matter. Plus, the one who sent me here to meet you already knows which door you are going to open.”

I still wasn’t terribly clear who this woman was or how I had come to her house, but her presence made me feel better. Suddenly I didn’t have any questions. So I reached for the door knob and turned it until I heard the click…with that the door opened and I walked through.

This post is a parable that I wrote a couple years ago. I’ve revised it slightly a couple times since, but overall the content remains the same. When I posted it originally a commenter noted that the parable only works because our characters are already engrained in a certain cultural story; I admit that, but that is the limit of a short parable. Since it relates to the holidays I thought it would be appropriate to post since today is the third day of Christmas.

JRL+

A certain man who was shopping for Christmas presents one afternoon a few days before Thanksgiving met another man who was poor, sick, and had no where to go to spend the holiday. Thinking back to what he had been taught growing up he decided that he would invite the man to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family, and if they all enjoyed it New Years as well. He was tentative since he did not know the man, and since he didn’t have time to ask his wife if she would be ok it, but he invited the man and the man said yes, excited to have been asked. And they both went away happy.

The other man finished his shopping and returned home to tell his family of the experience and let them know of the guest that would be sharing in their holiday experiences. Everyone was excited and began to prepare for the visit. What should we eat? How can we make this fun for this man? How can we make him feel welcome and make sure he wants to come back next year? And all sorts of other questions began to come to mind. Preparations were made and the day was drawing near. They were excited because this was the first time they had a guest that was not a member of their family.

The man who had been invited was likewise planning and thinking. I wonder what they will think of me? I wonder what they will do? I hope it is alright if I wear these clothes…I do not have anything really nice. He was very excited to be introduced to something he had not experienced in a long time. He remembered back to his childhood and the wonderful time his family had during the holidays, but that was a long time ago and it was a painful memory. For the past Thanksgivings he had eaten the little he could afford at whatever open restaurant he could find. Now he was going to have a real Thanksgiving, and get to eat as much as he wanted. Then Christmas would come and he would get to sing Christmas songs with a family, something he had never had a chance to do. He could not wait.

Finally, the day arrived. The family got up early to prepare their house for their guest. They were not sure what he was expecting, and they were not sure if he would be comfortable with the long standing traditions that their family had been doing for years. They knew that he would not be dressed in fine clothes, so they decided to forego the usual dress of khaki pants and sweaters in favor of jeans and sweatshirts. Finally the house was ready and they waited on him to show up.

He arrived dressed in the best clothes he had. As he walked in he did not see what he expected. He thought to himself, “Why aren’t they dressed a little nicer? Why aren’t they dressed like I remember my family dressing when I was a child? Where are the Thanksgiving decorations? And where is the good music that I thought you used to set the mood? Maybe some Thanksgiving traditions have changed. At the very least I bet the food will be the same.” As he thought this the family was thinking to themselves, “He sure is dirty. I wonder why he didn’t clean up a little. I hope we are casual enough to make him feel comfortable. At least we don’t have decorations and music, because those would probably make him really uncomfortable. Let’s hope that he likes the food ok.”

At last the food was ready to be serve. Together the family and their visitor made their way to the family room where dinner was set out on paper plates and TV trays. The family had considered using their fine china and eating in the more formal living room, but that would probably make their guest uncomfortable. You can probably imagine what the guest was thinking. The youngest son said a quick prayer and the party sat down to eat. And for the next 20 minutes they ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, soda, chips, and a chocolate chip cookie. “We can eat our full meal when our guest leaves,” they thought. “He probably wouldn’t like our heavy food.” The guest was very confused and thought to himself, “What happened to all the Thanksgiving traditions I’ve heard about? Where is the traditional food I remember from childhood? This isn’t going to nourish me. I thought if I cam hungry I would go away full, but I am still hungry.” With that the visitor dismissed himself and went away confused. The family did invite him back for Christmas, and he accepted thinking maybe that would be what he was looking for.

When Christmas came the much the same thing happened. He showed up in he best clothes and they were in their sweat suits. There was no manger scene to be found, and not even Christmas tree. There were no gifts either. At this point he began to wonder where all the traditions he had known growing up had gone. The food this time was ham and cheese. No Christmas roast. No potatoes, rolls, or turkey. No fine wine to savor. Christmas ended and the man left dejected. However, he would continue to return thinking this must be the way it is everywhere now – assuming that traditions had changed.

The years passed, and the visitor moved on; he found a job in another city and was invited to another home to celebrate. At this home he was surprised to find the traditions he grew up with. The family was all dressed in their Christmas sweaters. There was beautiful music playing. And the food was rich and filling; there was ham, turkey, beef, rolls, all sorts of vegetables, more desserts than ever, and wine. This is what he remembered; this is where he wanted to be. And for years he celebrated with this family, and in many ways they adopted him as their own. A holiday never passed when he was not seated at their table.

Then one day he met the man who invited him to dinner so many years ago. As they talked he told his first host about the past holidays and the joy he had been experiencing. They parted ways and returned to their homes. On schedule, the holidays came. The man, like always, went to celebrate with his new family. The first family who invited him was alone for the first time in years and decided that they would again revive the traditions of their past, but they all of a sudden realized they had forgotten those traditions, and they reverted to the sweatpants and the peanut butter and jelly.

I’ve hidden all but my blog post from last month on Advent. Since I won’t begin new posts in force until I return to Vancouver/Portland on January 15 I’m going to publish some of my favorite posts from my past couple years of blogging.

Thanks for reading and commenting. I look forward to our interactions on the blog this year. If you want to follow me on Twitter I’m here.