I wanted to re-post a couple old items that I was reminded of as I was reflecting on the sermon from my church this morning. The rector preached on the Gospel reading which, for this the third Sunday of Lent, is the story of the encounter of Jesus and the woman at the well in John 4.
First – a modern day monologue that tells the story in a really cool and profound way
Second – some good advice from an atheist criminal
In his book Letters to a Young Evangelical Tony Campollo recounts the story of Charles Peace. Peace was a notorious criminal in 1870’s London. On February 25, 1879 Peace was to be hanged. As he was led to the gallows an Anglican priest followed closed behind reading from the Prayer Book, “Those who die without Christ experience Hell, which is the pain of forever dying without the release which death itself can bring.”
These words shocked Peace who, upon hearing them, turned to the priest and shouted, “Do you believe that?”
The priest, not expecting it, stammered out “Well…I…suppose to do.”
Peace then said the words that stuck with me…”Well, I don’t. But if I did, I’d get down on my hands and knees and crawl all over Great Britain, even if it were paved with pieces of broken glass, if I could just rescue one person from what you just told me.”
Only the man who has had to face despair is really convinced that he needs mercy. Those who do not want mercy never seek it. It is better to find God on the threshold of despair than to risk our lives in a complacency that has never felt the need of forgiveness. A life that is without problems may literally be more hopeless than one that always verges on despair.
I only read this quote today but it is helped me set in perspective my life over the past couple weeks (maybe even months). Ever since last May I have been wondering if I am where God wants me – I have been anxious about my call – And often that leads, especially someone who is naturally overly introspective, towards despair. Of course I am always able to recall that I have hope and that God loves me, but so often it feels as though God does not hear our prayers. Recently, however, God has begin to assure me that my prayers are heard. And I have taken comfort in the fact that Jesus is praying for me. And I have become more “happy” than I have been for the past few weeks. I have sought and received the mercy of God. I know however that I could again go through the valley. Of course, isn’t that the way all our lives are – a series of valleys. Some people live in the valleys more than others. Some live on the mountain tops and the high places. And some live on the level surface. For me I would almost rather be at a high or a low than a level surface where there is almost no “reason” to praise or lament. So often, I think, if we live on the level surface we forget about God. That is why I am becoming more thankful for the bad times – for those times when numbness sets in and all you want to do is crawl into bed, or sit on the porch with a pipe and think. Prayer almost comes easiest when prayer is the hardest. Then, when the light comes it is all the more glorious and all the more bright. Better even than the sunshine on a day after weeks of clouds. If you are still in the clouds than have hope that the sun will be all the brighter when it does emerge. And even though it might be hard to believe that God loves you, hears you, and cares for you know he does. He cares for you as a father cares for his daughter and as a mother cares for her son.
More selections from The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007:
(for earlier selections see here)
From, “Best American Article Titles from the Best American Trade Magazines”:
“Putting the OH Back in WOHrship”
“Mother or Magdalene: Which Mary are YOU?”
“ABS BS? ABSolutely”
“Outsmarting the Mongoose”
“Sleeping with Jesus”
“Everybody Poops (Except God)”
Last night at work I picked up The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007. I was able to read some of it when I got home; and it’s a good thing that it was only 12:30 and my Quad neighbors were still awake so I didn’t wake them up with my laughter.
So, I present, for those of you who are in need of a good laugh, some of the funnier moments from the first few pages of The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007:
From the Introduction, “How I Triumphed Rudolph Steiner and Overcame the Tribulations of Illiteracy, One Snickers Bar at a Time”:
“My father gathered all the groceries like a shepherd rounding up his sheep, and I scrutinized every label with the exactness of a shearer. I read the disappointing news of the cereal box: Some settling may occur; the morbid gasps of a can of aerosol hairspray: Extremely flammable. Solvent abuse can kill instantly! A box of paper clips promised a smooth finish, much like a find scotch…” (those of you who know me can guess my favorite)
From “Best American Names of Horses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers”:
Ayn Rand’s Condescending Sigh
Daddy Drinks Because I’m Slow
For the Love of God Run Faster
Hell is Other Horses (my note: extra points for those of you who know this reference)
Shoulda Bought a Monkey
From “Best American Six-Word Memoirs”:
“My spiritual path is 100 proof.”
“Fears commitment, debt. Attracts spouse, house.”
“I managed not to destroy anything.”
From “Best American Personals from Around the World”: (these were actual published personal ads)
“I will be happy to waste precious time with you in Paris speaking English.”
“American man, 57. I just want a girlfriend. What the hell is going on here?”
“Nihilist seeks nothing.”
“Want to meet you, but I can give no information.”
(The book is edited by Dave Eggers and has an introduction written by Sufjan Stevens. I knew that Sufjan could write music but I had no idea he was such a good writer; I hope that he writes a book one day. Anyway, the introduction alone is worth the price of the book…If I see you in person during the week I will be happy to loan you the book if you would like to have a look at it)
I think that Thomas Merton knows me better than I know myself…
From Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation:
“Fickleness and indecision are signs of self-love. If you can never make up your mind what God wills for you, but are always veering from one option to another, from one practice to another, from one method to another, it may be an indication that you are trying to get around God’s will and do you own with a quiet conscience.
As soon as God gets you in one monastery you want to be in another.
As soon as you taste one ray of prayer, you want to try another. You are always making resolutions and breaking them by counter resolutions. You ask your confessor and do not remember the answers. Before you finish one book you begin another, and with every book you read you change the whole plan of your interior life. Soon you will have no life at all. Your whole existence will be a patchwork of confused desires and daydreams and velleities in which you do nothing except defeat the work of grace: for all this is an elaborate subconscious device of your nature to resist God, Whose work in your soul demands the sacrifice of all that you desire and delight in, and indeed, of all that you are.
So keep still, and let Him do some work.
This is what it means to renounce not only pleasures and possessions, but even your own self.”
On another note I also think that Merton was either and INFx…Doesn’t this just sound like us? He has simply figured out that it is more healthy to break out of the cycle of vacillation and confusion…Something I am finding it hard to do right now…
Today being Valentines Day my thinking has turned towards love and relationships. For those of you who are married or in a relationship I wish you a Happy Valentines Day; may your love continue to grow as you come to know each other better. To those of you who, like me, are still single I also wish you a Happy Valentines Day; may you come to know the love of Christ even more today and remember that no matter what God loves you more than you can ever know or imagine. God of course also loves those of you in relationships as well.
While it is often hard to walk through life alone it seems that often Valentines Day causes many people to reflect even more on their singleness. So many people want to be in a relationship and for whatever reason aren’t. Either we haven’t met the right person. Or we have had their heart broken and so are weary of taking the next step. Or we have never had a relationship at all and are afraid of what beginning one might mean. Maybe we are afraid of being rejected and so never ask someone we might be interested in to get coffee. Or maybe we just get too busy and simply walk by each other. Whatever the reason it seems that as people get older the pressure to date and get married gets more intense from family, friends, and even self. And with the increase in pressure so does, at least for some, the anxiety. And the questions – “Am I ever going find my lost half?”
Despite all the reasons it has not happened there is the desire to be in a relationship with someone who you can love and who can love you. Someone who will listen to you when you share your feelings and who yearns to share their feelings with you. People desire that person with whom they can sit with in silence and be perfectly comfortable. Someone to raise a family with. Someone to walk through this complicated and confusing thing called life with. Or someone simply to keep warm with on a cold winter night. But even with so many people looking many people are still alone.
This desire for love is of course deeply rooted in all of us. One of the most interesting explanations of it (outside of Scripture of course) is the thought of Plato. In his Symposium he tells the story of how the gods split human beings in two and now life is about searching for your other half and love is connecting. In the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch the song “Origin of Love” tells the same story (below is the clip from the movie):
The part of this song that I have been thinking about recently is the end:
Last time I saw you/We had just split in two/You were looking at me/I was looking at you
You had a way so familiar/But I could not recognize/’Cause you had blood on your face/I had blood in my eyes/But I could swear by your expression/That the pain down in your soul/Was the same as the one down in mine/That’s the pain/That cuts a straight line down through the heart/We call it love…
I think that this is where a lot of people are. We go through life searching for connections, whether romantic or not. With some people we find them and with others we don’t. Or we find one sort of connection and not the other. What most people are longing for however is that connection that they can call love. That connection with their “lost half.”
Until then however what are we to do – especially when it feels like all our feelings are being numbed. When it is hard to be happy and joyful, but equally hard to cry…What do you do when the only feelings you have are anxiety, despair, and general grumpiness…Or simply a numbness…And we may even fear that we will soon forget how to love.
I guess what we do until that year when we can send roses and chocolates to our Valentines we remember first that God loves us passionately. That God loves us so much that we are complete and do not actually need to derive our self worth form whether or not we have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, a husband or a wife. We then need to spend time building community with our friends – loving them wholeheartedly. Life is hard but it is always a little easier when you have good friends to go through it with. Community is vitally important and I thank God for the community that I have. Finally, we can pray. We can pray for God to bring us joy in our singleness and we can pray for a relationship. And we can even pray for our future spouse. On days where this matter is at the front of my mind I always feel better when I ask God to give a sense of comfort to the girl that I will one day date and marry – I pray that if she too is worried about her singleness that God will ease her anxiety and give her the same peace and joy in her singleness as God also gives it to me. It might sound a little weird to some people, but it has been meaningful to me. And in it God has brought me peace.
Well, now that I have gotten way too personal for the internet I’ll close. May you find the love you are longing for deep in your soul. May God strengthen your marriage and relationship. May God develop your friends and your community to show you love when you do not feel like you can give or receive it. And may God reveal to us the love that God has for us, so on those days when we feel especially alone we can know that though friends may leave us, though friends may hurt us, though we might not be in a relationship at all, we are loved deeply by God and that will never change.
Finally, for those of you who did not receive one today…
What We Feel is Not Who We Are (from Henri Nouwen)
“Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood: swings from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us.
Thus it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God’s beloved children.”
These are words that really encouraged me today. May that also encourage you.
Read this again last night in the Celtic Book of Prayer…I think it will be my prayer for Lent. Maybe by the end of Lent I will actually, really mean it when I say “today I believe.” Lent cannot come soon enough for me.
Lord, You have always given bread for the coming day;
and though I am poor, today I believe.
Lord, You have always given strength for the coming day;
and though I am weak, today I believe.
Lord, You have always given peace for the coming day;
and though of anxious heart, today I believe.
Lord, You have always kept me safe in trials;
and now, tried as I am, today I believe.
Lord, You have always marked the road for the coming day;
and though it may be hidden, today I believe.
Lord, You have always lightened this darkness of mine;
and though the night is here, today I believe.
Lord, You have always spoken when time was ripe;
and though you be silent now, today I believe.
-From the Evening Prayer Service in the Celtic Book of Prayer
When I am back at home I have another prayer and some reflections on these prayers and my life…
I want to know why life is so hard, complicated, confusing, and frustrating…
I was waiting for a cross-town train in the London Underground
when it struck me
that I’d been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound
like a movie…
I want so badly to believe that there is truth
and love is real
and I want life in every word to the extent
that it’s absurd
I know you’re wise beyond your years
but do you ever get the fear
that your perfect verse is just a lie
that you tell yourself to help you get by…
